About can't live without my son

I just can't stop cyring these past few days, I can't even see to type I MISS HIM SO MUCH I JUST WANT TO HOLD HIM !!! MOTHERS DAY CAME AND WENT AND THEY WOULDN'T ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE, I'M SO MAD, IT FEELS LIKE I'M GREAVEING OVER A DEAD CHILD  EVERY DAY I WONDER IF I'LL EVER SEE HIM AGAIN .. MY THREE YEAR OLD TOLD ME THE OTHER NIGHT THAT "'TOMARROW WE ARE GOING TO GET OUR FAMILY BACK ", "TOMARRW WE WILL FIND BRAXTON", HOW DO TELL A THREE YEAR OLD THAT TOMARROW NEVERS COMES??? how much longer does my heart have to break ?? I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN'T LOVE MY LITTLE GUY TOO MUCH JUST INCASE THEY STEEL HIM NEXT , SO I FIND MY SELF GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS SOMETIMES,AND THEN I AM CONSUMED WITH GUILT BECAUSE I KNOW HE NEEDS ALL THE LOVE I HAVE LEFT, THEN I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I CAN'T SHOW BRAXTON ANY LOVE. THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO BRAXTON HE TOLD ME I DIDN'T SOUND GOOD AND THAT HE WOULD PRAY FOR ME THE WAY YOU TAUGHT ME HE SAID.THEN HE ASKED ME HOW MANY DAYS TILL HE CAN COME HOME, AGAIN. thats the worst question. BUT I ALWAYS SAY THE SAME THING "ASK YOUR DAD". I'M SO TIRED OF WAKEING IN THE NIGHT AND THINKING I HEAR HIM CALLING MAMMA !! I KNOW HE'S NOT THERE BUT I GO GO TO HIS ROOM ANYWAYS I LAY IN HIS BED HOLD THE LAST PJ'S HE HAD ON THE LAST TIME HE WAS HOME AND TRY TO SMELL  HIM  BUT HE'S NOT THERE. SOMETIMES OVER THE SOUND OF MY OWN CRYING I THINK I HEAR HIM CRYING THEN I WONDER  IF MAYBE HE'S SOMEWHERE CRYING FOR ME AND IS SOMETHING WRONG , HAS SOMETHING HAPPEND, IS HE COLD , IS HE HUNGRY, IS HE HURT ??? BUT I DON'T KNOW ,AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO HELP HIM IF HE NEEDS ME. SO I CRY TILL I FALL ASLEEP AGAIN . THEN WHEN I WAKE I NUMB MY SELF AND PRETEND HE NEVER WAS, SO THAT I CAN FUNTION FOR MY YOUNGER SON, AIDEN, HE PERFURES TO BE CALED "SPIDERMAN" . I FIND MY SELF SAYING HIS NAME SO I CAN FOCUS AND PUSH BRAX OUT OF MY MIND. ALL THIS TILL THE NEXT REMINDER KNOCKS ME ON MY A...  WELL I SAID TO MUCH ,JUST WANTED TO VENT AND HAVE A GOOD CRY AND AD'S STARTING TO WAKE SO NOW THAT I'VE CRIED ALL NIGHT TIME TO MAKE BREAKFAST.....

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME TODAY , THIS HAS BEEN A BAD DAY ALREADY.....

Micki. I just want you to know that I still am thinking about you and your small family. I wonder have you called N.Y to see if they have Low income housing, Have you called the red cross in NY. there also womens underground groups, That once ypu share your story and the check into the facts they will help you get housing. Sometimes I have heard they will have house to live until you get on your feet, as Well I Noticed that one pictuer it said Italy, There are Grants for Italin people that they never have to pay back, as well as your son being mixed there are funds avaliable, Please dont take that last staement the wrong way, I just know that there are funds, After all we all are tenicallly mixed, SO Please know I mean this in kindness, I have been doing alot research on how to help you since I first read your story, This is what I found beside the groups I told you about , I found out that the buses will give you a emercany rate where if you buy 14 days a head you can get a round trip ticket for $39.00 as well if you call the airline and show documention. they have dpecial fares they can give you. There are alot og Chatholic Churches in NY That will Help You have you thought about sending the Cathic churches in the area a letter. I am not Cathloic, So every one who looking at my spelling I am sorry, There are over 100 group in NY that will help you call the nt social services for the list, May you Have Many Blessing in your life Best Regards StacyAnn

 I want to you to know that you need to look at the gifts your son gave you. Look at the bigger picture. For you to say you can't  live with out your son is wrong, YOU are a live to carry on his gifts he tought you in your life, You Could say how could you know you have know idea what it is like to lose a Child , You are wrong, I lost my son he would be 22 this year, I know it hard and I will never get over it however I relized that I could  feal pitty, But My Son would not want That. I could Feel Anger, But My Son would not want that , I could not go on living and just exsting, But my son would not that. It was made very Clear To me what I was To do, Everything I did not want to do, Because I was wanting to be shelfish and Keep  my Son, However  by Letting Go, then I was able to recive the blessing a note on my door from a stranger, Was an Article, To Dear Abbey < The Lady had written that she had lost her son and did not know how to answer the ? when people asked if she a mother, Dear Abbey replied Hold Your head up high and say yes you are,,,,,You are a Mother Of an Angel. I thought about at first I thought how  Corney Like I would ever say someting like that, Then I started thinking of all the gifts my Son Gave Myself and his world and everyone he touched,  He Tought me Un Condtion love,  he Tought me Pure Joy, He Tought Me that Children are a Gift, He touched so many people I had no Idea, at his Funeral There were over 200 people 150 I did not know, People of all ages, My son was Young However he was a great teacher of life and Touched many Lives, So Yes I am Proud to Say I am a Mother Of An Angel.

I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I would hope that you would have gained something from this site, unfortunately, all you see is the negativity in the world. I truly hope you find peace in your self and your life.

This is the most depressing site ever, You people know we are all just spinning our wheels. And nothing is ever going to come of this . Not with all the gold in china, This world is one crule place.... full of nothingness.

Oh p.s. I did not bring up the subject of " religion"  I asked "what would Jesus do" in refrunce to not judgeing but helping and loveing EVERYONE. Be it that you don't seem to know the differance between JESUS AND RELIGION, tells me everything I need to know about you. 

OH NO, you and everyone who knows you personaly, knows you are NOT Jesus or anything like him. And first of all I don't want or need or care if you side with me or not because you mean nothing to me or my son, your nobody. I wasn't looking for anyone to side with me . I was just looking for humans with a heart. What you think of me, knowing nothing about anything but those four walls that are closeing in on you , is as unimportant as you are. I only responded so that everyone would know what you really are. That you sit there acting like "God" desideing who is worthy of your help. If you think you said anything that I didn't already know from a legal stand point.Then you underestimated me. I used every legal opption I had. And pro bono wont touch child custody, you didn't know what you were talking about on that one. Been there done that , spent every dime I had. I know where I stand and without more money there is nothing I can do. I wasn't asking for legal advice, I was looking for a way to be closer to my son. I'll never have enough money to fight him. Gave blood & donateid bone marrow & donateing my eggs didn't put a dent in it. Besides the legal system is just there to make those people rich, how else are they gonna get that "Lexus"if they don't drag it out , it's just our lives there playing with , my innocent little boys life. I'm not the one in the wrong in the matter. But what you did do was call me a lier on that first post . My child was stolen by a man he did not know because his father did not want to know him. I never kept them apart , I pushed their relationship as a matter of fact . He only got him because of money, alot of it. I never stood a chance, And now I have not seen my baby in over a year . And out of desperation I posted my story on this crap, and the first person I got was you , retelling what you think happend, YOU didn't "simply post information  relative to my post you attacked me!!!!! and you did assume who was the better parent, when you stated " that I wasn't telling the truth or whole story" thats the same as calling me a lier. You don't even know me or the whole story, how dare you! I wasn't asking for your thoughts on who you think I am as a mother, I was looking for help!!! Again the tittle of my post saies everything .YOU could push someone over the edge with what you choose to say . I was about as low as any real mother would be after loseing my son and all you did was poor salt on an open wound . Maybe your wrIght about one thing, I can't fight him any more or the high prices of the courts anymore. But I'll be damned if I sit here and listen to a nother know it all talk me as if I'm a bad mother , walk a mile in my shoes with never haveing no one or nothing in your life other than your kids and see if you can do better. I had given up and then I found "Aidpage" and I thought I could try one more time then you came along. Why don't you climb down off that high horse and join the real world .     

I'm NOT Jesus so I cannot say what he would or would not do. Nor would I have the nerve to presume so. As for my post to you, I simply posted information relative to your post. If you have any feelings one way or another, then that is something that you need to deal with. I stated I have seen and dealt with both sides of a custody issue and will NOT assume who is the better parent, that is not up to me, it is something for the courts to decide. If you feel you have been wronged by the courts, I gave you the information you needed. Instead of proving youself to the courts (immediately), you felt the need to attack me (how much later?). I'm not the enemy here. However you feel I am because I will not side with you. The only person I will side with in this matter is the child.

 Another thing, you say you read my posts, if you did, then you would know more about me than you think you do. 

Furthermore, since you brought up the subject of religion, perhaps the wisdom of King Solomon might be more fitting here.